The talentless Mr Ross

The web often throws up some real comedy gems. A few posts ago I quoted part of a fantastic anti-Argie rant from a previous World Cup message board (the full version is sort of unprintable).

Here is another classic, which is already gaining web notoriety: the Amazon reviews (451 and counting) of a Paul Ross box canvas print (price £2,500). There are pages of this stuff:


I’ve been looking for a 20 Inch Box Canvass of Paul Ross since my (completely inferior) 18 Inch Box Canvass of Paul Ross was damaged during a Barium Enema. Thankfully this Canvass really is excellent. The quality of print complements the sheer majesty of Paul’s cherubic face…..

…..I used to be a very successful insurance salesman at AIG. I had riches beyond belief: Faberge Eggs; Brut Aftershave, also by Faberge; a diamond encrusted Rolex; lime green Lamborghini; monogrammed slippers; a piano shaped toilet that once belonged to Liberace and a 16 ft pyramid of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. Some friends at the country club let me in on this secret that all the old money had canvas printed photos of Paul Ross, so I bought one at auction.

There was something wonderful and majestic about it, some people say the enigmatic smile is a knowing reference to his Merovingian ancestry….

…..If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get…..

…..Two days after ordering via the a postman knocked at my door. In my excitement, I did not check the proferred objet but rather grabbed it off the perspiring postie and rapidly signed my name on his little screen. I ran into my special room, but HORROR! Instead of the awe-inspiring piece of art described on this website, I held in my hands a much more drab box print, with NO EVIDENCE OF ROSS’S FACE. This print depicted a brown scene, with the word “Amazon” a repeated motif. Some textual art was also present, by a strange coincidence my actual address here in Pimlico. Also, rather than the advertised 20 inch, this measured around 20.3 inch in width…..

….Poor reproduction in all fairness, dont think its real, theres no brush marks or nuffing. Still looks good after all these years though, aged much better than his sister Diana….

….I recently purchased this poster, and while it’s lifelike, well made and had a certain, portly charm to it, I have since found out that it’s actually *cheaper* to hire Paul Ross to come over and stand against a wall, whenever you feel the need to look at him.

And so on. Great stuff. If you actually know who the talentless Ross is, as loathed by Half Man, Half Biscuit, you’ll like it even more.

...remember to wear a glove...

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