Gordon Brown has let it be known that he plans to speak in the Commons tomorrow, on a matter allegedly dear to his heart: that the maintenance contract for the aircraft carriers, ordered by him in an irreversible rigged contract at vast expense, be given to Rosyth dockyard in his own constituency. There’s a surprise
Gordon regards Fife as his stronghold, a place to where the wronged colossus of British politics can return, refreshing his socialist soul while basking in the love of his adoring constituents.
Well, they don’t all love him and his emerging solipsistic political martyr drivel. The Knife happened to be talking recently to a born and bred Fifer, who runs his own business there. I had said that I would be getting the train up the East Coast Line through Fife in the near future. Here’s what he said (Fife dialect/accent attempt is mine):
“D’ya want a bit o’ advice?
When you get tae North Queensferry, open the windae, tak yer knob oot, and hae a pish.
Yer boond to hit that bastard’s hoose. You’ll probably no’ get him because he’s hardly ever fookin’ here.
The **** is the worst fookin’ chancellor this country has ever had. The bastard has wrecked everything.”
Genuine, unsolicited testimonial from a struggling small business owner in Gordon’s backyard.