Takashi Murakami: DOB JUMP (1999)

Off to the banya...

Some stories are intrinsically perfect for their subject. Regarding “Lord” Mandelson:

Mr Rothschild, 40, a financial adviser to Mr Deripaska, has launched a libel action against the Daily Mail over a 2010 article which he claimed painted him as a ‘puppet-master’ who had exploited his personal friendship with the former Labour spin doctor to impress the oligarch.

The hedge fund manager denied the Siberia trip was ‘inappropriate’, despite it including a visit to Mr Deripaska’s  aluminium factory ahead of a European Commission decision on aluminium imports to Europe.

He told the High Court: ‘The whole point of the Siberia trip was that we went there, we spent a nano-second at this smelter, we then went to the most delightful banya [a traditional Russian steam bath] where we were beaten by a 25-year-old banya-keeper man who has spent his life perfecting the art of the banya.

‘Then we jumped into ice-cold water.  It’s the best way in the world to cure  jetlag and everything else. It was incredibly enjoyable.’

Mr Rothschild said he invited Lord Mandelson to join the trip because he was a close personal friend and he knew he had never visited Siberia….

‘Deripaska was my friend, Mandelson was my friend, this was a recreational trip. Deripaska’s desire to develop a relationship with Mandelson was because Mandelson was an interesting, highly intelligent, fantastic guy.’

Of course! Everyone should visit Siberia to be “beaten by a 25-year-old banya-keeper man”. No impropriety there.  Sexual impropriety I mean. Dodgy business dealings I couldn’t take a view on.

Yayoi Kusama: The Pacific Ocean (1985)

There is a common theme, frequently expressed, that if Labour had appointed David Miliband, their troubles would be relatively minor. The problem, we are told, is Ed. For example there is Fraser Nelson in the Spectator, claiming that there would be have been no need for Labour to recalibrate their views on the economy, education etc, with Mili-D, as he would already have been there, talking the Tony talk, with his tanks on the Tories’ lawn.

Statesmanlike

Here are the YouGov poll results on possible Labour leaders. Mili-D comes second as best Labour leader with 21% of those polled. Unfortunately the winner, with 32% was The Knife’s choice:  “none of them would be any good”. Mili-E creeps in at 7%.

Is Mili-D the natural choice?  Up to a point, such is the fabulous uselessness and zero appeal of Mili-E, but The Knife feels that Ed’s failure is just making David look slightly less useless. Here are a few points to consider:

1.  Mili-D is also a major geek. The famous banana picture was no accident.

2. He had no balls when push came to shove during the Brown terror. Too scared to say anything publicly, he briefed and machinated away behind the scenes to bring down Brown. Even a New Labour wuss like James Purnell showed higher testosterone levels.

3. He still had no balls when the European High Representative for Foreign Affairs post was offered him on a plate. He ended up staying around UK politics hoping that some sort of faction would conspire against Brown and anoint him, Mili-D. Shades of another testosterone-free ambitious chancer: Michael Portillo. Mili-D still wouldn’t move openly against Brown – who at least had a certain dogged tenacity under pressure – and saw the EU job go to the completely anonymous unelected disaster, Baroness Ashton.

4. He had a good job – Foreign Secretary – but did anything memorable happen under Mili-D? Well, he patronised the Indians and spent a night in a mud hut; he promoted the appalling Lisbon treaty; he applauded terrorism in a childish outburst…etc etc. To quote the Indian opposition spokesman: “In recent years, there has been no bigger disaster than David Miliband’s visit.”

5. You think Tony Blair was a complete fraud as a football fan: Newcastle United and Jackie Milburn? Or Dave and Aston Villa? Here comes Mili-D and Sunderland, or is it Arsenal?

6. This is a biggie. Not well known, but very illustrative of Mili-D’s  real persona, as explained by Peter Oborne:

in a barbaric and near-criminal act, David Miliband ordered the closure of the Foreign Office library, containing the records of 500 years of Britain’s overseas entanglements, including the original copies of all our treaties. This institution was described by Gladstone’s foreign secretary, Lord Granville, as “the pivot on which the whole machinery of the Office turned”. Recently, I inspected its empty shelves, their contents having been dispersed, some turning up on eBay: it was both too sad for words, and a piquant symbol of New Labour’s neglect of the lessons of history, for which British soldiers have paid such a price in Afghanistan and Iraq.

To further quote his successor, William Hague:

 ”I was surprised and indeed shocked upon my arrival here by the sight of the vast expanse of empty wooden shelves where once the 60,000 books, pamphlets, reports and manuscripts of the historic Foreign Office library were housed, here in this building.

“The library embodied 500 years of British and world history; of our experiences of exploration, diplomacy, war, peacekeeping and the forging of treaties; of our role in the abolition of the slave trade and the creation of the Commonwealth.“

What sort of completely ahistorical prick would do that? Is this is a fit man to lead a sovereign nation, to send soldiers into battle? Prodicus puts it more eloquently than I can manage.

So, to my friends in the Labour Party: go ahead and have your coup. Mili-D won’t lead it, not until he’s had his spine transplant, but he’ll be waiting in the wings for the call.

Never before  has someone with such obvious limitations been touted so relentlessly for the top job. A man with the same sense of entitlement as Gordon Brown, and the same qualities of leadership as the captain of the Costa Concordia.

Seriously, either of them?

Brought to you by those caring Taliban

Regarding the footage of US marines relieving themselves on the corpses of their enemies:

A Taliban spokesman said: ‘First they killed the Afghans with mortars, and they then urinated on their bodies. We strongly condemn this inhumane action by the wild American soldiers

What??!!

The Taliban have a press officer? Presumably something like  Alastair Campbell.

And they’re concerned about inhumane actions (on dead people)?

Words fail me.

Eck! You really are a **** aren't you...

There’s no danger of anyone underrating Alex “Fat Eck” Salmond. Just about every media piece on him for weeks has drooled over his mysterious status as Britain’s most able politician, or something like that.

Well The Knife is here to tell you that the Smug Bawheed himself is indeed overrated, and Dave has amusingly called his bluff, leading to the first of many millions of references by a shaken Eck to Maggie/Poll tax/Braveheart etc etc.

Last May I wrote a piece on why Eck is nothing like as good as he’s cracked up to be, which could be loosely summarised as “cocky bastard, no opposition”, and I wouldn’t change any of what I wrote back then. If anything, the evidence is mounting up.

The media are slowly cottoning onto this. If I may make a few recommendations for further reading:

James Forsyth in the Speccie gives a neat broad overview, concluding with

…even if all North Sea oil and gas revenues are allocated to Scotland (which would never happen, given the location of the fields), the country would still have been running deficits for 18 years….

But the killer question is who would have bailed out Scotland’s banks – and here, Alistair Darling’s willingness to be involved in the campaign is crucial. Having organised the rescue of the financial system, Darling would be believed when he told Scots that they would be as broke as Ireland if it had to bail out the banks themselves.

Ouch. Yes, money seems to be a problem. Alex Massie, in an extremely rare instance of actually being right about something explains further, although he predictably arrives at various wrong conclusions:

The Conservatives, as a party, specialise in growing economies and wealth creation. Yet such considerations are absent from Scottish politics as it stands: Salmond’s responsibility is to spend whatever he gets allocated by London.

 It should be axiomatic that a government which does not tax is a government reduced to eunuch status that cannot, in turn, be trusted to govern prudently or plan for the future. The cheerfully spendthrift history of devolution has been a model example of financial irresponsibility and intellectual constipation. At present, the government in Edinburgh is charged with dispensing 60 per cent of total state spending in Scotland but raises less than 7 per cent of the money required to pay for publicly funded largesse.

And Eck is a trained economist, possibly with a highish IQ. To quote one of his transatlantic colleague Thomas Sowell’s finest quotes, which is also the motto for this blog:

“There is usually only a limited amount of damage that can be done by dull or stupid people. For creating a truly monumental disaster, you need people with high IQs.”

Eck is certainly in a position to do a lot of damage, but even he has spotted that the electorate are not entirely stupid, hence his rather pathetic grubbing about for his “Devo Max” option.

There are so many other arguments against independence, from the logical – defence, nuclear weapons, welfare and so on – to the romantic historical – try the slightly crazy but magisterial Peter Oborne here, but ultimately it’s going to boil down to money, the economy, the currency and the ramifications thereof.

Ben Brogan’s precis today is only the start of an inevitable slew of articles on just how problematic this is all going to be. Be aware that Eck, with all his faults, is as good as the SNP gets, and the big guns have only just turned on him. One last example:

Scotland’s share of the national debt at around £80bn would also be highly problematic. In fact, it’s quite a bit higher if you include a reasonable share of the costs of bailing out the two big Scottish banks. Incredibly, Mr Salmond has suggested that Scotland should bear no part of those costs, as the offending regulatory failures were made in London, never mind that Mr Salmond personally congratulated Sir Fred Goodwin on the deal that tipped Royal Bank of Scotland over the edge – the takeover of ABN Amro – and that the man ultimately responsible for the regulatory failure, one Gordon Brown, is a Scot representing a Scottish constituency. In any case, include those in, together with an appropriate share of off balance sheet public sector liabilities, including the private finance initiative and publis sector pensions, and the figures are much larger.

I look forward to that day when Eck’s entire raison d’etre goes up in smoke. Roll on 2014.

Nearly the best scene in Braveheart

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My start with classical music, probably like most people, was with orchestral music (for the record, Beethoven’s symphonies conducted by Schmidt-Isserstedt). This was a total eye opener to me, but as time went on I listened to all sorts, ending up mainly with piano music. Liszt, Beethoven, Alkan, Schumann, Prokofiev, you name it.

However, there are a few orchestral  pieces that never fail me, and one that gets played again, and again is Wagner’s Tannhauser Overture.

This is the cumulonimbus of overtures, a massive structured billowing creation, laden with hooks, twists and climaxes. It is a brilliantly conceived tone poem that stands perfectly well on its own, with the opening horns gently pulling you in to its fabulous textures.

The Knife is a Karajan fan – he really was a remarkable man, whether you like him or not, and these guys don’t- and two versions, about 15 years apart,  by Herb really stand out, with the earlier one edging it. The Barenboim version is fantastically recorded, but I have yet to actually hear a dud.

Here it is on YouTube with the Karajan charisma intact. Fantastic.

It is a testament to the extraordinary transcribing powers of  Liszt that the piano transcription is, in its own way, just as thrilling and probably twice as difficult as the orchestral piece. Try the great Jorge Bolet on CD or YouTube.

Can creativity mitigate evil? Karajan and Wagner, one not-quite-a-nazi and the other Hitler’s favourite composer. None of us is perfect, and these two were real ubermenschen. To quote another German:

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

(Nietzsche)

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Dignitas were recruiting...

Multimillionaire author Sir Terry Pratchett must have the same doctor as Ernest Saunders, in that they both  claim to be suffering from an unusual form of dementia. In Mr Saunders’ case this famously allowed him to get off lightly after the Guinness trial. With the bafflingly knighted Sir Terry, it leads to him making frequent, detailed self-pitying announcements about the iniquities of British law, where as yet, “assisted dying” remains illegal.

Presumably Terry’s interest emanates from his concerns about his prognosis. The Knife suspects that Sir Terry has also been seeing the same doctor as our old friend al Megrahi, who is still hanging in there. In fact Tel even managed to do a Dimbleby Lecture while suffering from dementia. Funny that.

There are two aspects to all this that rile The Knife. One is what Christina Odone in the Telegraph ably points out today:

…beyond the manipulation of the public and the media, something tragic is afoot. These two powerful and articulate men are trying their best to make it legal to snuff out the lives of the vulnerable and poor. Suicide is already legal; so anyone who truly wants to take their own lives because the future as an Alzheimer’s sufferer is too bleak, can do so. But legalise assisted suicide and the wily and determined can decide to “assist” a vulnerable (and inconvenient) relative or partner take their life.

It’s scary, really. It may take just two men of substance to push through changes that condemn whole swathes of the less privileged to death.

The other “powerful and articulate man” is the egregious Charlie Falconer, a man whose ascent up the greasy pole was based solely on his choice of flatmate.  Presumably, given his physique, Charlie is concerned about a slow lingering death brought on by troughing. The infallible New Labour provocation test, regardless of the moral issues, means that whatever Charlie is for, I’m against.

My second concern is a little more professional. Whenever this comes up, it’s always assumed that “doctors” will do the deed. Thankfully, this is one role that the British Medical Association wisely opposes, and it’s not often that we agree.

It is ridiculous though. Nurses, paramedics, lab assistants are all easily trained in putting up intravenous infusions. Anyone can learn it, so why the hell should doctors get involved? Our primary task is to save life and ease suffering, not kill people.

It would be far more sensible if Terry and Charlie started lobbying the army – they know how to shoot people – or abbatoir workers. What could be quicker than a bolt through the forehead? Alternatively as with capital punishment, there would undoubtedly be a queue round the block for the post of state executioner, with the exciting option of a reality TV element in due course, and Charlie, who has form on this, could advise on the uniform.

Dressed to kill. Charlie is on the left.

Auld Reekie

The Knife is not a fan of Barack Obama, but this is frankly incredible:

He said he saw parallels with Mr Obama and the Labour leader: “A compassion for poor people, a desire, deep desire to create change … I think they exhibit the same interior.

…The softly-spoken Mr Graf uses the Greek terms for measuring time; chronos – “9 o’clock, 10 o’clock, how you measure numbers” and kairos – a “special time” when circumstances and leaders collide. “Martin Luther King took the kairos moment, Obama had a kairos moment and he didn’t take it,” he argues. “He could have challenged the financial markets the way Roosevelt did but he didn’t take it. I think Ed has a kairos moment to win this argument.”

That’s former Obama adviser Arnie Graf talking to the FT. I suppose Ed is paying his wages now, but this delusional stuff shows just how bad things are.

The other quote is a little older, but apt for the profligate behaviour of the last 15 years that has destroyed our economy. Possibly apt for expensive Hogmanay street parties too:

We spent as much money as we could, and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

That’s Pip talking in the utterly magnificent Great Expectations. Published 150 years ago.

Some things will never change.

Anyway, here is their latest hack job on medical matters:

NHS cuts have affected

patient care say four

out of five doctors

Exclusive poll backs up consultants’ protests over bed closures and longer waiting times for surgery

 

..speaks for itself

Well, The Knife actually is an NHS consultant, with beds and a waiting list. No-one has asked me my views in a poll – ever.  None of my colleagues go on about this either. Reading further, it seems this “poll” was actually a self-selected group of moaners on Doctors.net.uk, described as:

a professional networking site to which almost all British doctors belong

er…wrong again.

Toby Young at the Telegraph blogs neatly points out the factual inaccuracy. Beyond that though, every sentient doctor that I know (which I realise may exclude a few specialties) could, and would, cut chunks out of the NHS budget very easily. We know that however much we love it and like working for it, it is still an inefficient slow behemoth, with more hangers on (in non-clinical roles) than Snoop Dogg in a nightclub.

We’re just waiting to be asked.